Only Thing Left.

"No matter how thick skin we try to be, there's millions of electrifying nerve endings in there opened and exposed and feeling way too much. Try as we might to keep from feeling pain, sometimes it's just unavoidable. Sometimes that's the only thing left."
   -Meredith Grey

This is one of my favorite quotes.

How much ever we try to hide our feelings and make a protective wall around us so that no one can peep a look inside and view the tide of confusion, there is always a crack. A small crack that grows bigger and wider due to the exertion of continuous pressure against it.

The crack grows bigger exposing the tide of emotions to the world and, all at once it flows out. The emotions flow out and we break down. If we have a support system, a friend we can trust, a friend who will guide us during the time of darkness and act as a flashlight always showing the path ahead of us, a friend who will help us stand up when we fall, a friend who will apply medicine on our wounds when we get hurt, he/she is the one that will help us repair that crack and help us build up that wall again.

And never during that process they won’t judge us.

But life plays games. All the things we have ever wanted, they don’t come easy. And if they do, they have a price. And generally the price is the pretty little smile being wiped of our face, making our nice cheerful face, dull and gloomy.

And if during that time, our support system fails? Then, all we have left is isolation and bliss of the cold tears streaming down our face. Thatz when we feel the pain. And sometimes thatz the whole thing left.

Pain.

Happy Birthday! :D

Well, Hello there bestie and Wish you a Happpyyy Birthdaayy. Finally Fifteen ;)

I just cant express how excited I am for your birthday and how much I have been jumping around.

All the time I have spent with you, those moments are the best moments of my life. Like asking you out on Prom day before yesterday in an oh-so-grudge style xD.

You are my Dakota. Aaron’s Dakota :D

You have always been there with me, my honey. My Madhumakhi :D
Your kya boli? Kya boli? Kya boli? Meee!
You’re a loner!! xD
Your awesome obsession with Pierre.
You being crazy about Miranda and VSC ;;))
You and your sexy dream guy :DD (You’ll get him soon ;) )
Your cozy hugs early in the morning and the way you say chakshaa :** , chat :’)

The way we become SO hyper and text SO fast and chat about multiple topics.
The way you give me suggestions which are really effective and at times stupid.
The way we go crazyyy about Grey’s and the wattpad characters.
The way you love Walter Boyss :DD
Our pointless WhatsApp messages.
I will always be grateful to you for being there by my side.
ILove your smile btw ;;)
And that laugh toooo.

Oh, and how last year you used to enact your mother’s laugh.
How we both form the best team and have our crazzyyy mad high-fives.
How we walk in the corridors in the breaks and discuss all serious matters ;;)
How you march during Sport’s Day. Bwahahah xD
The way you run, So adorable and funny xD.
The way you make faces at people and laugh when I am injured.

The way you are there for me even at 3 O’ clock.
Thanks for supporting me and giving me strength when I was low and all sad and depressed.
ThankYouSoMuch for befriending me and considering me worthy to be a part of your life.
A pretty, cutee, cheerful, amazinglyawesome and adorable friend like you deserves someone WAY more better than me.
I trust you so much.
And I know you do too ;)
I will never break that trust.
Our bond is SO strong that NO-ONE will ever break it.
You will be my bessttess friends, my First True Love, Forever.

There are so many more things to say, but I don’t have words to express them.
Oh yeah, also, how you make me smile and blush and the way you hug me and I give that cute little smile and you find it so adorable.
The moment when you look into my eyes and you say you love them.
They way I fit into your embrace SO well and how tall you have grown.
And when I hug you and you smell SO good :O
GOD! SO SEXYY :*
And you look amazing in high ponytail :DD

Mahn. ThankYouSoMuch for everything. My WhatsApp texts are incomplete without you.
Without your smile and you calling me slut/whore.
MY life is SO dull without your pretty laugh and sweet voice.
My life is incomplete without you ABHI. My Honey. My Babe. Mine Forever.
I don’t know what would I do without you?

I guess I wouldn’t be alive and blogging this right now. I know you will never judge me and will always be there for me :”)
You are my life.
ILoveYou.
Forever and Always. <3

Amen.

Let it all out.

I am at a loss of words. My head is spinning, my emotions are a mess, I am acting like a pain-in-the-ass, irritating, troubling and burdening everyone ie. my closest and best friends with my unnecessary sadness. I did not have any words to pen down this volcano of sadness erupting within me but I guess tonight I am just going to go with the flow. No more procrastinating.

Tears.

They are your best stress busters. One whole night of crying, letting the salty taste of tears flood your mouth as they stream down your face, is the best way to let all your emotions burst free.

One night of crying, allows all the pain, sadness, guilt even joy and happiness wash away. The tears take away everything.

They calm you, soothe you in the ways you may have never imagined.

It’s funny how one night, one realization, one fear changes everything. How all the DARKEST things that has ever happened to you or all the dirty crimes you have committed, all the people you have hurt comes haunting back to you. Payback's a Bitch. Revenge.

Twenty four hours. Twenty four hours since I slept. Twenty four hours since this feeling of guilt is following my trail like a lost puppy. Twenty four hours since my heart smiled and felt the warmth and comfort.

 And again, I don’t know how to express myself further :/

So I guess I’ll just stop here. But, it actually helps to cry.

See ya later, alligators.

SriLanka :D

Just a week back I was a ball of emotional mess, wrapped and cuddling under the blanket of anger, frustration and sadness, walking in the shadows, trying my best to get away from the world.

This trip which I was in no mood for was approaching rapidly and I was like, “What good will it do me?”

But this trip just changed everything. The beautiful skies, the soothing sound of the waves crashing on the beach, the glorious sunset that I could see from my window, the comfort of the cozy cushions, the fluffiness of the pillows, the warmth of the small candles in the lounge, the soft yummy juicy chicken melting under your taste buds and the comfort, love and hospitality of the staff of the hotel. But the biggest plus point of this trip was that it gave me time, opportunity to think, to clear my mind of all the garbage that had accumulated in my mind since ages. This trip taught me one thing, “Why bother? Just chill and enjoy life.” Your life is full of colors but it is upto you which one you choose, the blue color of sadness or the yellow color of joy and happiness.

Just breathe in the fresh air of SriLanka and let your mind ponder away. So beautiful, so relaxing.

So, I am really thankful to SriLanka for indirectly helping me and also my parents who took me for this lovely trip.