My Sadness.

Many times people ask me why am I so sad? Why have I lost my chirpy, bubbly nature? Why have I become so weak and vulnerable? Why has that smile disappeared from my face? Why do I now choose sadness over happiness?

Dear alligators, to tell you the truth, even I don’t know the answer to these questions. Maybe it’s because I love to welter away in my sadness and see the negativity in everything; maybe it’s because I finding sadness comforting and it provides me with a shield. I feel sadness is my escape, my sanctuary. It helps me criticize myself, go over my mistakes and improve them, during my darkest times it helps me express. My sadness somehow makes me see and experience things which I can’t see when I am happy. I view people differently, always trying to uncover their mask to know what’s going on deep inside them. When you are sitting in the dark and swaying in the sadness, you get a chance to think.

When I shift into my dark aura mode, my sadness helps tone down my anger because in the end I just take the blame and walk away. My sadness is my knight in the shining armor. Sadness provides me with a sense of relief and when I receive similar signals from someone, someone with the same shadowy bubble around them, I get attracted to them. Know why? Because it’s during that moment you feel you have someone to accompany you on the stranded road and they are the one you can pour your heart out to; because you know they won’t judge, they won’t comment, they won’t give any advice, hell they may not even be listening to you but you know that whatever happens you both are in this together and they will walk that road with you. The feelings you share are mutual.

I won’t say that my smile has left my face completely; it’s just taking a break.

I am not weak; I have just lost the interest to show my strength and my capability.

I am not sad; I am just seeing how it feels to walk that path.

I am not choosing sadness; I am just experiencing the opposite of happiness.